On a grey, rainy west coast morning there’s nothing more inviting than a warm, bread-scented bakery. It’s rather like the old general store where people, especially men, would gather around a woodstove in the back to have a coffee and share stories – or “chew the fat” as Grandpa used to say.
On one of those rainy days I met two writing friends, Becky and Rie, at Bodhi’s Artisan Bakery on Rutherford Road. The bakery was warm and almost steamy with cinnamon buns, chocolate croissants, Danishes and loaves of bread fresh out of the oven. The Beach Boys were singing about California girls and although the ocean was a couple of miles away, I felt as if we were in a cabin on the shore.
In fact Bodhi’s is like a rustic cabin built of wood, its interior beams exposed. It’s part of an enclave of other cabin-like buildings that include various shops and services as well as a Korean restaurant called Namul.
I bought a decaf Americano and Rie and Becky had lattes and some sweets including one of those chocolate croissants. Our catching up meandered as conversations do. There was lots of energy and opinions. One discussion was about modern technology as opposed to letter writing or even telephone calls. Texting vs email. Forget the phone!
I said it was difficult to communicate with my daughter and Becky said leaving a message on the phone or emails can actually add pressure as a response would be another task for Emily, a busy Mum with two young children.
Becky says she has a niece who doesn’t reply to email. It’s texting that’s the way to go. That’s how young people respond these days. It’s quick – and there is a response. Texting is like an invisible pen, like passing notes in a classroom. We’re writers, we communicate, Becky says.
Rie thinks that’s not very meaningful communication. We also need face-to-face connection. I don’t see the younger generation trying to accommodate us she says.
I agree about the meaningful communication as I’ve thought, is texting what I want my connection to my daughter to be reduced to? Becky gives me some insight into my daughter’s busy life: People need to do what they can for self-preservation. They’re doing the best they can.
It keeps an energy flow Becky says. I like that and agree. She says to forget about the phone. She’s gone to the trouble of leaving detailed messages but people don’t take the time to listen to them. They may call back but they ask, what were you calling about?
I am often the observer, sometimes not getting into a conversation at a table as I’m trying to catch everyone’s words. With two I can add something to the mix and listen to two views while sorting through my own.
A few years have passed and Becky is no longer in Nanaimo. I’m remembering the laughter and sharing of creativity amongst the three of us. I’m thinking of Becky’s comments now as I recently bought a cell phone. Yes, I did it and I heard back from Emily and while away for a few days where there was no land line, I texted Sarah. It was just like passing notes in a classroom.
Posting texts and following posts on Facebook – that’s how I communicate with both daughters and know where they are, who they are with, and what they are up to! Oh my! I know what you mean about “reducing communication.” At best, texts are short and devoid of much depth. Although my eldest, Katie, can write texts that are long and deep and she does so with amazing speed! I find it tedious to be wordy in that format though.
Cute post, Mary Ann! Love the reminder of passing notes in class! Wasn’t that fun, sneaking them past teachers?
Great topic! Mary Ann, I am just like Becky — love the “invisible” pens and loathe the phone. These days, even booking service calls or inquiring about products can be so easily done online! My daughter’s life is so hectic and her downtime so precious that I prize texting as a way to send her an occasional spontaneous cyberhug, stating that there’s no need to reply — this is merely a wave of love from Mum. My texting has gotten faster with practice, of course.
My Emma says she is learning not to feel guilty when she responds with only a quick ‘Thx, Mum’ or even with no words at all. The rare *important* hails to her are tagged that way, and a bit apologetically, recalling how easily my own non-intrusive mother’s calls could furrow my brow! Facebook gives me a quick superficial view of what’s up with her, and tho’ I crave more, that’s my issues, not hers. So sublimely good when we do get a chance to catch up!! Also, when the kids were very small, I began an occasional writing practice TO them so they’d have an idea of our lives during those days. It occurs to me that I can do the same with E nowadays … good for me, and — who knows — may one day be of interest to her. Or not — that part is not up to me.
Where I feel loss is with friends who do not use computers much; I really dislike talking on the telephone, and it is not often we can get together for a wonderful in-person visit. So it goes. We all muddle along, adjusting as we go!